Robbing Children of their Heritage

The news has affected my sense of identity and belonging. "Who am I?" is a hard question to answer when I don't know where I came from. I'd like to have the comfort of knowing whom I resemble. It's amazing how one can miss a sense of identity and wholeness because no one has ever said, "You act just like your mama when she was young." I guess I act just like my donor. And, as my thoughts, opinions and behavior are almost 180 degrees from most of my family members, I've never felt like a "piece of the puzzle" at family gatherings especially around my father's side of the family. This isn't something I sensed strongly-I thought I acted differently because I was from Tennessee and they were from Texas-but the feeling was always there. I'll admit putting it into words is hard. As well as grappling with who I am and where I belong, I have a more difficult obstacle since the secret's been out: trust. I've wondered if there are other secrets being kept from me. I shouldn't have to doubt my mother. But I've found myself questioning whether I was told the truth. How can I know for sure that there was a donor as she says?

Advocates of donor babies argue that biology is not an issue in parenting; the love and care a child receives is all that matters. I can understand a couple's desire for a child, and I don't deny that they can provide a great amount of love and caring, no matter how conception occurs. In a world where history is a required academic subject and libraries have special sections for genealogy, I don't see how anyone can consciously rob someone of something as basic and essential as heritage. Parents must realize that all the love and attention in the world can't mask that underlying, almost subconscious feeling that something is askew. I greatly appreciate the sacrifices my mother has made and the love my family has given me. But even while being enveloped in my father's sister's warmest embrace, I feel a strange little twinge of something deep inside me like I'm borrowing someone else's family.

www.newsweek.com/whose-eyes-are-these-whose-nose-186074